Monday, 17 January 2011

Table Manners Please

Having kids changes everything. Your WHOLE LIFE.

It's hard work and you never have a day off but it's so much fun and I've never laughed and smiled as much in my life (and I used to laugh and smile a lot before kids!).

I don't mind the noise (actually I make just as much as the kids), I don't mind the mess (again, I make just as much as the kids) but  I really really miss a nice quiet sit down meal.

And blw is easy too.  At least I can eat along with the kids even if it isn't quiet or relaxed or particularly civilized.

Basically this is how a meal goes in our house.

Mia sit's down to eat. 
Anya starts to shout as she knows food is coming and wants to go in her chair.
I bring the food to the table.

I put Anya's bib on.
And shout at the dog to get off the mat under Anya's chair.
Then I bring the food in.

"Mummy, please can you tuck me in?"
I leave my seat to tuck Mia in. Then sit back down.
"Get off the mat Bobby."

"Mummy, you've tucked me in too much, please can you move me back?"
Once more I leave my seat to readjust Mia's chair and sit back down to my meal.
"Bobby, shift!"
"Anya, don't bounce too much in your chair, you're banging your head on the back."

"Mummy, you forgot to get me a drink."
Slight harumph "Ok, I'll get it now."
Once again I leave my seat, get Mia a drink and sit back down to my meal, which is getting colder by the minute.
I kick the dog.

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."  Then Anya proceeds to drop food on the floor.

"Mummy, I need a wee."
"Arrrrrrrrrrr", and this time it's me and not Anya!  So quick potty trip whilst trying to see that Anya is ok and not banging her chair so much that it will topple over, then back to my meal.  Up again as I've forgot to wash my hands.
"Bobby get off the bloody mat. Sorry Mia, Mummy said a naughty word."
Anya drops more food and tries to take her bib off.  Then tries to fling herself across the room in her highchair.

"woof woof"
Oh for goodness sake!  The dog needs to go out.  Once again I leave my meal and let the dog out.  No point in sitting down as he'll be in in a minute so I'll just be back up again.
Right, the dog has had a wee, the daughter has had a wee, I don't have time to have a wee so I sit down again.
This time I'm going to shove my tea down my throat in 5 seconds otherwise it will be stone cold.

"Mummy, I've finished.  Can you get me down please?"
"Mia, please can you wait until I've finished my tea?"
"But Mummy, I want to get down."
"Mia, please give me 2 minutes to finish my tea.  Anya, stop banging your head."
Anya has eaten all that she wants and is now rubbing her face with her hands which are covered in food.  

("Oh Mummy, I need a wee."  I can't even type this blog without being interrupted.  Where was I? Oh, Mia wants to get down, Anya is covered in food and I still haven't finished my tea.)

Meanwhile Mia has tried to get down and is stuck.  "Argh, Mummy help me, I'm stuck."
I give up!
The dog's eaten Anya's food, except the banana which he's left as he doesn't like it, so that's all over the carpet, Anya is covered in food, Mia is bottomless as she doesn't want her pants back on, and I wolfed down my tea that quickly that I didn't enjoy it.

Oh I miss my adult meal times!


Sally said...

Oh how I long for the day when I can have a meal at a civilised pace and without getting up from the table!!

Baby Led Weaning Mum said...

I just realised in my blog that I said 'I kick the dog'. Just so everyone knows, I would never actually kick the dog as I love him very dearly and have done since he was a puppy 15 years ago.

Though sometimes I have thought about it, especially at 3am when he's barking to go out!